Life is raw.
Boneless
Life is raw.
Not undercooked - raw like flesh and bones.
Every breath burns, for there is no skin to protect that within.
It burns, for I have been sprinting in the wind.
A chatter in the distance draws them in.
The bones are empty - the mind too distracted to notice.
My bones are empty. They long for belonging.
My bones are empty. They have no home.
They need to be known, but want to be invisible. There is nothing worth seeing.
I know where the marrow is, I cannot put it back. The mind is too distracted to notice.
The chattering thickens - but it burns. The burning is muggy.
Oppressive. Loud. Racing.
The mind is distracted. It screams for freedom but there is no relief.
Help find the marrow - It brings them home.
Belonging with the boneless, burns.
Okay Enough Incomprehensible Poetry
I've never liked poetry that doesn't explain itself clearly. The ambiguity is unhelpful, but I wanted to write it all fancy for fun.
Now I will explain the meaning of this poetry because I want to be heard and burying my thoughts in metaphors is no good.
This poem is about autism and being non-binary, and how it feels socially.
The Burning, The Chattering
The burning represents the feeling of being overstimulated by everything. The daily experience of life - the sun, the sound of cars, a loud room full of people.
Imagine a vampire except instead of being afraid of the sun I am afraid of the sun, sound, light, and being in the presence / being perceived by other people or strangers for too long.
It burns. Not only does it burn - but I have no skin. I have no barrier between myself and this world. It feels exhausting.
The chattering is muggy - being in a muggy room, with no relief.
The Bones
The bones represent a shell, hidden deep within, but empty. It represents my social outlook - how I feel about my relationships with others.
They are (feel) empty. They need fulfillment.
The Marrow
The marrow is what fills the bones. They represent my thoughts, feelings, passions, desires. They want to be seen - and the mind knows where they are - it wants to be seen, it wants to fill the bones.
The marrow is vital, it must be there - producing blood cells - but it is not. The bones are empty. So I crave fulfillment in my relationships - I want to show and be seen for who I am.
The Mind
The mind represents anxiety. It is too distracted by the burning and the emptiness to find the marrow. I cannot express myself, because I am burning. Whether that be overstimulation or social anxiety - fear of rejection.
Home
Home is the feeling of truly belonging somewhere. Knowing that those around you truly know you, and you know them. At a fundamental level.
Line-specific
It burns, for I have been sprinting in the wind. A chatter in the distance draws them in.
This represents a "drifting" - not finding or knowing how to belong, and so moving from place to place. Being drawn to a chatter in the distance, hoping to find what you were looking for.
Help find the marrow - It brings them home.
Comfort is the only way to belong - but it's not that simple. I need people to understand me to be able to be understood - it's paradoxical. The marrow must be present to be home, but to put the marrow back requires you be home.
Belonging with the boneless, burns.
Being autistic and non-binary - nothing but also everything, and having no home, because there is no one side to stick to - hurts. It feels like drowning.