away

there's a very loud 4 year old child watching tiktok next to me

i am sitting in a laundromat in san jose and the audio is looping

i am 4000 miles away from home the tv is on and the laundry machines are humming

there are 5 conversations happening and the audio is looping

i have plans tomorrow maybe? i had plans yesterday. i saw a movie and i made new friends when i moved here and it was sort of easy and I'm glad that I can do that

but I'm afraid it's not enough

i am living my dream from 15 i wanted to move to california and work for a big tech company. i wanted 6 figures

it's all within my reach

but I don't know if that's what i want anymore

it's pretty but it feels empty

i bob on the lake of life

i get to work before my boss. i sit at a desk on the 7th floor of the one building of four just like it, next to 200 other identical desks. they are all my coworkers

they are a sea of people i do not know

a sea i look at and they are nothing like me but they also made it here

there is one person who i am anything like we are friends, sometimes

i would be dumb to give up a full time offer from a fortune 500 company straight out of college

it would be supremely stupid

should i sell my happiness for $140,000/yr

i bob on the lake of life

9 to 5

9 to 5

9 to 5

9 to 5

9 to 5

i do my chores on the weekend

i hope to make plans with my friends

and then I'm back

9 to 5

9 to 5

i sleep when i get home

i walk down the center of the street at 1am

i try to befriend the cats but they don't recognize me

a neighborhood like my own

except it's not mine

it's nothing like me

the sunset is beautiful

the moon rests above the swirls of pink

i do my laundry at a laundromat

i drive

i order pizza

i feel like there should be more

i am too tired to enjoy myself

2 days is not enough

4 isn't

i need a lifetime

i miss home

i am afraid to come back to the bay

i am worried i won't ever make it out if i do

but I'd be stupid not to

i don't want to live an american life independent self-made

i want to lift others and rise with them i need people i need them so badly i am afraid everyone will forget me i am so far away

i want to go home

this isn't my home and I don't know if it can be